Honestly...

I am feeling the need to write...though I dont know where this post is going yet...

My precious little girl is now 8 weeks old and Der just turned 18 months last week!  I really never thought I would have my babies this close together- and it has been tough!  I think that this adjustment has been even harder than after Der was born.  I went from working full time to being home full time...and though having a newborn is demanding, in many ways it was a relief to not be so busy and worn out at the end of the day (teaching is pretty exhausting!).  But now...*sigh* I have very very little down time.  And if I take a moment to write (like this) or read or just rest, I feel like I will pay for it the next day because I will have gotten further behind the seemingly endless to-do list. I often plan to get a lot done in the evening, but instead, we just switch to man-to-man defense and try to "up" the entertainment with two parents now home...and the to-do list waits again. On a good day... I will get 30ish minutes in the afternoon with both babies asleep.  That is not enough time to get everything done that I need to, let alone take a breather and let myself rest.

When it was just Derek and I, we got out of the house almost every day (or had friends over).  Now...every time we go anywhere, I always question if it was worth the trouble.  I know its good for Der to be around other people, but carting around two babies and all their gear is challenging (how do moms of twins do it?)  I even load up the car the night before we have something planned, but no matter how early I get up or plan ahead, we are usually late.  :)

We braved the grocery store for the first time the other day.  Where was I supposed to put the groceries with Der in the front of the cart and Brooklyn's carseat taking up the actual cart part...and the diaper bag underneath?  I started by stuffing the 2 loaves of bread next to Der, which he tolerated for a while, then he tried to throw them out of the cart.  And Brookie wanted out of her carseat almost right away, so she got carried around the store.  Ha- I got lots of sympathetic looks from people, but we managed.

The few times we have gone to a friend's house, I spend most of my time keeping Der out of  cabinets and away from the Christmas tree of breakables...and jostling Brooklyn to keep her happy.  There is little time for chit-chat.  Is it worth it, I ask again?  And trying to keep my house from being a total mess so I can have friends over is a challenge too.  I tell myself that I can just make people feel better about the way their house looks. :) 

And yet...would I have things any other way?  Not a chance!!  Honestly, it has been really tough!  I don't think I have ever been this worn out in my life or been as drained at the end of the day.  I love my two precious, beautiful gifts.  And even though being a mommy is a pretty thankless job, it is the best job in the world!  I have more influence over the course of their life than anyone else.  What a privilege and opportunity!  May God grant me the strength and courage to love, serve, disciple and cherish my precious little ones while they are still little and I still get to speak into their life!