Lessons Learned

And now I have 2 babies!!  Two totally darling, completely adorable babies that I am totally in love with!!  God has been so good to us and there are moments every day where I can feel tears welling up as I think of how blessed I am and how much I love my family!  Ryan and I say to each other all the time, "I really love my family!"

I knew this would be a hard season for us.  I guess I just had no idea what about it would be hard.  Now I know!  Its hard to feel like you can't be the mommy you want to be to your babies.  For example...I spent so much time holding, rocking, cuddling, kissing, playing with Der when he was as tiny as Brookie.  But I simply can't do that with Brooklyn the way I did with Der and it makes me sad.  Once a day, I try to nurse and rock her in her nursery (something I did for almost every feeding with Der), and this time it feels like a luxury instead of the norm.  I feel like I havent had the time to get to know my new little one like I did with Der.

And then there is my sweet Derek who I feel like has to wait on me to nurse all day.  He is too young to play by himself for long (we are working on this), so he just hangs around waiting while I nurse Brooklyn (which at this age feels like all the time).  He lays his head in my lap and pats Brookie and asks to be held... and I just rub is back, tell him I love him, but that mommy is feeding the baby and I can't hold him.  Its hard!  And when I am trying to settle Brooklyn when she is crying, Der tugs on my leg and says "up, up" because the crying upsets him and he wants to be held too. Or when he is desperate for a nap and has to wait to be put down because I can't get the little girl settled, its hard.  I want to be everything to both of them...and I simply can't. 

I am so grateful that I serve a sovereign God who was not surprised that my babies are so close in age.  He is equipping me to be their mommy and where I am weak, He is strong.  And where I can't meet their needs, He does perfectly!  And even if I am the perfect mom (which I will never be!), my children's salvation is not going to be a result of how good of a mom I am.  So, in those hard moments, I try to remind myself of these truths and trust in His goodness and rest in His grace!

So now that most days its 2 on 1...I am learning to appreciate things I took for granted before.  A shower, brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom in peace, having downtime, my wonderful husband who is also the best daddy I know, dates, quiet, time that is my own, a clean house, evenings after babies are in bed, sleep, getting dressed, and being able to get out.  Its amazing how having a baby changes your perspective. 

And I know I will look back on this season with 2 little ones when I have 3 little ones (God willing) and realize how easy I had it.  And yet God does not give us more than we can handle and I am grateful for the sanctification that is going on in my heart and everything I am learning. 

And just as a sidenote...I am going to start posting  most pictures on facebook (because they upload so much faster) and use the blog to write. :)

Introducing...

Our beautiful baby girl, Brooklyn Noelle, born Monday October 10th, 2011 at 11:16 am.

Here's the story...
I had been having contractions for a while and almost thought it was "go time" the night before.  All day Sunday, they were off and on, but never got consistent or regular.  Before bed I told my mom that Brooklyn would be born the next day between 10 and 2...and I was right!!
At midnight I woke up with contractions, but could fall back asleep between them.  At about 2:30 I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep through them, so I got up and started keeping track.  I woke Ryan at 3:30 when they were all less than 8 minutes apart.  We finished packing, watched some of the Notebook (my choice) and then Ryan decided he wanted to take me to breakfast since I was so hungry during my labor with Der.  We got to Einstein Bagels (yum!) just after they opened at 5:30.  My contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart, so every few minutes, I got up walked around and winced in pain as Ryan pushed on my back trying to relieve some of the back labor.  We were a sight!
When I called the doc he said to come on in since it was my second.  When we got to the hospital a little after 6, I felt like the contractions had slowed down and I was worried it was another false alarm.  We decided to wait and see in the hotel lobby since I didnt want to labor at the hospital any longer than possible, stuck in a bed.  I actually went 15 minutes between 2...not a good sign.  Then they picked up again (I was so relieved).  We checked in at 8am and I was so excited to be 5cm!!!  That was further along than I was with Der after like 20 hours of labor.  My doctor sees her patients at another hospital so she told the nurse she wanted me to have the baby at noon (on her lunch break), so to go ahead and break my water and start potosin (neither of those made me happy, but I agreed).  When they broke my water, Brooklyn's heart rate dropped and I had to be on oxygen and wait to get the epidural until she was okay. 
About an hour later, she seemed okay and I was in a lot of pain, now totally stuck in the bed so I could get  oxygen with no way for Ryan to push on my back to take some edge off the terrible back labor I had.  So I got the epidural....ahhh, relief!  And then about a half an hour later, it was GO TIME.  I went from 7 cm (when I had the epidural) to 10 in less than 30 minutes!  Yay!  So we had to wait for my doctor to come.  No time to give me potosin and that baby was coming well before her lunch break.  As my doc walked in, she said...you are having a contraction...push.  Only a few contractions later (Ryan thinks 5, I think a few more), Brooklyn Noelle arrived with a mound of beautiful long curly black hair and a sweet little cry.  She was 8lbs. 9 oz. and 20 inches long!
We are totally in love with our sweet little girl!  God is so good and we love being a family of 4!
More pics on facebook, but here is one...