The beauty of brother and sister!

We often have country music on in the background at our house.  Today I was holding Miss B and wiggling her little hips to the music when Der took her hands and said ‘dance bookie baby’.  He wiggled his cute hips, held her hands....and they danced together.  Der followed the dance session by giving his sister a huge hug, and then another and another.  I held back tears as I watched my little boy truly enjoy his sister's company, and she was absolutely enthralled with him! 

Yesterday, on our way out the door Der pointed to the seat in the stroller next to him and said ‘Bookie Baby HERE’ with enthusiasm.  He wanted to make sure his sister would be sitting next to him!  And then after offering her his snack and water, he took her hand and held it for several minutes.  He adores his “Booka Baby”!!   I have been telling him that Baby Brooklyn is his best friend…and its already starting to look that way!  They are buddies.  He asks for her and many times she has been crying till she spots her brother and then her gaze is fixed on him and her problem forgotten.

There is something so special about the relationship between brother and sister.  I know because I had a wonderful big brother.  I remember how excited I got when I saw his car in the driveway which meant that he was home from college for the weekend.  I loved that he drove me home in high school and we would blast Dave Matthews Band from the car.  I remember lots of late night chats and the night we watched a scary movie home alone and both ended up sleeping on the sleeper sofa out in the gameroom because we were so afraid (I think he was  17 and I was 15).  I have so many fond memories with him…and I wonder how he was with me when I was as little as Brooklyn is now.  I bet he was just as sweet!

I love family.  I love my family!  I am so grateful that God in His divine wisdom designed children to share parents and be brother and sister.  What a beautiful idea!  It added beauty to my growing up years and it added beauty to my day today watching my 20 month old and not even 4 month old dance, hand in hand!  BEAUTIFUL!

Ordinary Days

My days seem very ordinary.  It is hard to distinguish one from another right now.  Aside for the cute things that Der does, or maybe an explosive, record setting poop that got everywhere (lovely, I know!), each of my days seems very much like the day before.  I find myself saying the same things, reading the same books, offering meals, changing diapers, folding laundry, picking up toys, playing pretend...

But...I like to think that it is in the ordinary things that my children will be extraordinary (or at least all that God intended them to be).  If I didn't stay home with them, I would miss so so many opportunities to love them and teach them.  Just when I find myself getting weary of these ordinary days, Der figures something out that we have been saying or doing for a while and I realize that all this repetition really matters!

So mommies out there...God has given you a monumental task, to teach, train, love and shepherd your children.  Your life will be full of ordinary days, but an extraordinary legacy!

Your Gonna Miss This...

I love the sweet new country song by Trace Adkins...the chorus goes:

You're gonna miss this,
Your'e gonna want this back,
You're gonna wish these days...
Hadn't gone by so fast,
These are the good times,
So take a good look around
You may not know it now...
But, you're going to miss this!

Even as I type these out the lyrics to the song and listen to it (so i could get them right), I am tearing up- totally overwhelmed with joy!

Joy found in so many things...joy that I personally know and worship a sovereign God that gives me enough grace and energy to get through each day.  Joy that even in my exhaustion, I see God using this season of life to sanctify me...to make me aware of how selfish I am, of how much I like to control things, and that I often choose to please people over my Savior.

Joy that God has given me the perfect man for me...ones that loves me, loves his family, and loves Jesus!  A man that knows how to encourage me right now and make me feel like what I do as a homemaker is of utmost value.  One that starts each morning in prayer and study, spending time with God!  A man whose faith, love, and passion for people I look up to!

Joy in my two most precious gifts, sweet Der and Miss B-  even when I am knee deep in laundry, diapers, and playing with blocks.  I see my Creator in my children.  I am in awe of how he knit them together so perfectly.  Derek, who has the most precious, sweet spirit.  He loves people (we call him our little evangelist, since he doesn't know a stranger), he loves to entertain and make people laugh.  He loves the beauty of the outdoors, and is never ready to come inside.  He really sees things!  He sees the intricate design on a flower and just stares in wonder. It is a joy to see God wooing Derek to himself already- like,  Der loves to pray!  When we say, lets pray, he takes our hands and starts listing out people he wants to pray for.  He gets excited to go to church (even though he obviously doesn't get it yet).

And then, my little lady...what a joy it is to see her become aware of her surroundings.  What a joy to be able to make her smile and feed her and hold her!  It even brings me joy that she was totally unplanned, and yet I love having her in our family- right now, just as God designed her life!

This post is going to be cut short, as my sweet babies are both now awake.
What brings you joy?  Right now, in this season of life...cause you're gonna miss this!  I am going to miss this!!

Honestly...

I am feeling the need to write...though I dont know where this post is going yet...

My precious little girl is now 8 weeks old and Der just turned 18 months last week!  I really never thought I would have my babies this close together- and it has been tough!  I think that this adjustment has been even harder than after Der was born.  I went from working full time to being home full time...and though having a newborn is demanding, in many ways it was a relief to not be so busy and worn out at the end of the day (teaching is pretty exhausting!).  But now...*sigh* I have very very little down time.  And if I take a moment to write (like this) or read or just rest, I feel like I will pay for it the next day because I will have gotten further behind the seemingly endless to-do list. I often plan to get a lot done in the evening, but instead, we just switch to man-to-man defense and try to "up" the entertainment with two parents now home...and the to-do list waits again. On a good day... I will get 30ish minutes in the afternoon with both babies asleep.  That is not enough time to get everything done that I need to, let alone take a breather and let myself rest.

When it was just Derek and I, we got out of the house almost every day (or had friends over).  Now...every time we go anywhere, I always question if it was worth the trouble.  I know its good for Der to be around other people, but carting around two babies and all their gear is challenging (how do moms of twins do it?)  I even load up the car the night before we have something planned, but no matter how early I get up or plan ahead, we are usually late.  :)

We braved the grocery store for the first time the other day.  Where was I supposed to put the groceries with Der in the front of the cart and Brooklyn's carseat taking up the actual cart part...and the diaper bag underneath?  I started by stuffing the 2 loaves of bread next to Der, which he tolerated for a while, then he tried to throw them out of the cart.  And Brookie wanted out of her carseat almost right away, so she got carried around the store.  Ha- I got lots of sympathetic looks from people, but we managed.

The few times we have gone to a friend's house, I spend most of my time keeping Der out of  cabinets and away from the Christmas tree of breakables...and jostling Brooklyn to keep her happy.  There is little time for chit-chat.  Is it worth it, I ask again?  And trying to keep my house from being a total mess so I can have friends over is a challenge too.  I tell myself that I can just make people feel better about the way their house looks. :) 

And yet...would I have things any other way?  Not a chance!!  Honestly, it has been really tough!  I don't think I have ever been this worn out in my life or been as drained at the end of the day.  I love my two precious, beautiful gifts.  And even though being a mommy is a pretty thankless job, it is the best job in the world!  I have more influence over the course of their life than anyone else.  What a privilege and opportunity!  May God grant me the strength and courage to love, serve, disciple and cherish my precious little ones while they are still little and I still get to speak into their life! 

Lessons Learned

And now I have 2 babies!!  Two totally darling, completely adorable babies that I am totally in love with!!  God has been so good to us and there are moments every day where I can feel tears welling up as I think of how blessed I am and how much I love my family!  Ryan and I say to each other all the time, "I really love my family!"

I knew this would be a hard season for us.  I guess I just had no idea what about it would be hard.  Now I know!  Its hard to feel like you can't be the mommy you want to be to your babies.  For example...I spent so much time holding, rocking, cuddling, kissing, playing with Der when he was as tiny as Brookie.  But I simply can't do that with Brooklyn the way I did with Der and it makes me sad.  Once a day, I try to nurse and rock her in her nursery (something I did for almost every feeding with Der), and this time it feels like a luxury instead of the norm.  I feel like I havent had the time to get to know my new little one like I did with Der.

And then there is my sweet Derek who I feel like has to wait on me to nurse all day.  He is too young to play by himself for long (we are working on this), so he just hangs around waiting while I nurse Brooklyn (which at this age feels like all the time).  He lays his head in my lap and pats Brookie and asks to be held... and I just rub is back, tell him I love him, but that mommy is feeding the baby and I can't hold him.  Its hard!  And when I am trying to settle Brooklyn when she is crying, Der tugs on my leg and says "up, up" because the crying upsets him and he wants to be held too. Or when he is desperate for a nap and has to wait to be put down because I can't get the little girl settled, its hard.  I want to be everything to both of them...and I simply can't. 

I am so grateful that I serve a sovereign God who was not surprised that my babies are so close in age.  He is equipping me to be their mommy and where I am weak, He is strong.  And where I can't meet their needs, He does perfectly!  And even if I am the perfect mom (which I will never be!), my children's salvation is not going to be a result of how good of a mom I am.  So, in those hard moments, I try to remind myself of these truths and trust in His goodness and rest in His grace!

So now that most days its 2 on 1...I am learning to appreciate things I took for granted before.  A shower, brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom in peace, having downtime, my wonderful husband who is also the best daddy I know, dates, quiet, time that is my own, a clean house, evenings after babies are in bed, sleep, getting dressed, and being able to get out.  Its amazing how having a baby changes your perspective. 

And I know I will look back on this season with 2 little ones when I have 3 little ones (God willing) and realize how easy I had it.  And yet God does not give us more than we can handle and I am grateful for the sanctification that is going on in my heart and everything I am learning. 

And just as a sidenote...I am going to start posting  most pictures on facebook (because they upload so much faster) and use the blog to write. :)

Introducing...

Our beautiful baby girl, Brooklyn Noelle, born Monday October 10th, 2011 at 11:16 am.

Here's the story...
I had been having contractions for a while and almost thought it was "go time" the night before.  All day Sunday, they were off and on, but never got consistent or regular.  Before bed I told my mom that Brooklyn would be born the next day between 10 and 2...and I was right!!
At midnight I woke up with contractions, but could fall back asleep between them.  At about 2:30 I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep through them, so I got up and started keeping track.  I woke Ryan at 3:30 when they were all less than 8 minutes apart.  We finished packing, watched some of the Notebook (my choice) and then Ryan decided he wanted to take me to breakfast since I was so hungry during my labor with Der.  We got to Einstein Bagels (yum!) just after they opened at 5:30.  My contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart, so every few minutes, I got up walked around and winced in pain as Ryan pushed on my back trying to relieve some of the back labor.  We were a sight!
When I called the doc he said to come on in since it was my second.  When we got to the hospital a little after 6, I felt like the contractions had slowed down and I was worried it was another false alarm.  We decided to wait and see in the hotel lobby since I didnt want to labor at the hospital any longer than possible, stuck in a bed.  I actually went 15 minutes between 2...not a good sign.  Then they picked up again (I was so relieved).  We checked in at 8am and I was so excited to be 5cm!!!  That was further along than I was with Der after like 20 hours of labor.  My doctor sees her patients at another hospital so she told the nurse she wanted me to have the baby at noon (on her lunch break), so to go ahead and break my water and start potosin (neither of those made me happy, but I agreed).  When they broke my water, Brooklyn's heart rate dropped and I had to be on oxygen and wait to get the epidural until she was okay. 
About an hour later, she seemed okay and I was in a lot of pain, now totally stuck in the bed so I could get  oxygen with no way for Ryan to push on my back to take some edge off the terrible back labor I had.  So I got the epidural....ahhh, relief!  And then about a half an hour later, it was GO TIME.  I went from 7 cm (when I had the epidural) to 10 in less than 30 minutes!  Yay!  So we had to wait for my doctor to come.  No time to give me potosin and that baby was coming well before her lunch break.  As my doc walked in, she said...you are having a contraction...push.  Only a few contractions later (Ryan thinks 5, I think a few more), Brooklyn Noelle arrived with a mound of beautiful long curly black hair and a sweet little cry.  She was 8lbs. 9 oz. and 20 inches long!
We are totally in love with our sweet little girl!  God is so good and we love being a family of 4!
More pics on facebook, but here is one...

As a family of 3!